I’m not feeling so great. I got winded last night having an orgasm. I think my left lung is starting to give out on me because of having to pull double duty. And my hair hasn’t moved in the three days. This morning I tried to run my fingers through it and it took me forty five minutes to work them free. My hair looks exactly the same in the morning as it does when I go to bed at night. I think that’s because my head isn’t really touching the pillow. If I take a fall while I’m here, I’m going to try and land on my head. My Southern hair will absorb the blow.
If I hear that stupid song by Nick Lachey one more time I’m gonna vomit.
“I don’t wanna live in the shadows of my mistake…blah blah ..whine whine.” I find it interesting that now that he has some
sort of celebrity himself–due to the fact that he married a celeb–suddenly Jessica has become a “mistake.” Personally, I think
she’s playing this ALL WRONG. I read that she was getting into fights with chicks who were dating Nick.
In a public situation like that, you must NEVER let a man know that his using you has affected you.
She’s coming off as needy and immature. Jessica needs to surround herself with four or five huge, hunky guys at all times.
She needs to make sure that at least three of these guys are black dudes to send Nick the oh so subtle, “I don’t need your small, pasty white
penis anymore, Caucasian boy” message. Only then can she begin to “heal.”
Tony writes: “Goddess, does South live in a white trash section of Atlanta?“
Did ya see the doorbell, Tony? Did ya see the grill? Do ya have to axe? Truthfully, the houses around here are fairly nice, so I don’t know if his neighbors qualify as “white trash.“ Da ‘hood has been fairly deserted since I arrived. I suspect most of his neighbors are out trying to get $2 an hour jobs building that fence to keep out illegals.
Because I’m illin’, I’m spending the entire day in bed reading and watching vids. I was reading an article on MSN about five dream jobs for a woman. They were: vacation tour guide–oh puhleeze, in my hometown?! “And this is what abject poverty looks like…”; wardrobe stylest to the stars–why not be a star yourself??; ice cream creator–sorry lactose (and work) intolerant; doll designer–huh? some of us gave up dolls years ago; and concert promoter–who thinks up this shit?
Now here are MY FIVE DREAM JOBS:
1. Practice “dummy” used in advanced cunnilingus education classes
(Advanced classes ONLY. No sense in being frustrated at home AND on the job…)
2. The lucky chick who measures the uniform inseams for cops
(if you need me to explain this one you haven’t been reading my site for very long)
3. Chocolate tester.
(I’m picturing me on the floor with a funnel of chocolate going directly into my mouth. And yes, I LOVE to swallow.)
4. Well paid, world renown writer
(when all else fails, try something else you have a snowball’s chance in hell of achieving…)
5. Good Mother
(sssh, not really. I tossed that in there in case the Mother of the Year judging panel is reading. notice writer came BEFORE good mother???)
Now I am doing the best thing I have ever done by far. I’m laying in South’s bed watching a porn video of ANOTHER MAN. BWAHAHAHAHA. I’m watching a Jack Lawrence video in Mike South’s bed!! Is that not delicious? It’s almost like I’m cheating on him. I feel all giddy and sacrilegious, like the time I told the new Deacon at our church that he was wasting his time giving himself to the Lord when there were so many women in the parish willing to give it to him.
I’m watching Coxxx & Soxxx 4. My girlfriend bought it for me and gave it to me for my birthday. While I like Jack’s scene, I have a couple small problems with it. I know I haven’t seen a lot of porn lately, but since when does talking about a chick’s knee socks pass for verbal foreplay? Ugh. That was painful to listen to. I’m guessing that was a theme throughout the rest of the vid, which I did not watch cuz the rest of it seems to be chicks on chicks. Not my thang. I’m wondering what’s up next? “Girdles and Coxxx?“
While Jack is very attractive and sexy in his cop gear–the bulletproof vest was a nice touch to add authenticity to the scene–I wanted to see a stronger, more forceful performance from him. He was one of those “nicey nice” cops. You know, the kind that are usually standing quietly beside the sarcastic cop that pulls you over and reams you out? I wanted Jack to take charge of those chicks. Show ‘em the long arm of the law. And then I wanted him to call for “back up.“
I noticed that when there are more than two people in a sex scene, there tends to be WAY TOO MUCH moaning and groaning and “oh yeah-ing” going on. But if your gf has a cop fetish–and really, who doesn’t? Check out Coxxx & Soxxx 4. Wow. Not only am I watching this in South’s bed, but I’m pimping another guy’s video on his site! Thank God he’s too busy getting pussy to pay attention to what I’m talking about.
Oh and one more thing about Jack. He autographed the DVD’s. Unfortunately they were autographed to my gf, since she bought the vids, but I thought that was a nice gesture on his part just the same. He also thanked her for being a good fan. Um, hello? When has that good for nothing South ever thanked ME for being a “good fan”?? All I ever hear is, “You’re a lousy stalker.”
Now that I’m all turned on by this cop scene, I’m going to jill off to another man in South’s bed. Life. It just keeps getting sweeter and sweeter by the day.
