It’s depressing having to update from the trailer that unemployment built.

I looked forward to my journeys to the South. Now the most I can look
forward to is my journey from the couch to the fridge.
I always like to check out the other adult sites and see what they’re
talking about–those “other” ones being JimmyD and Luke. JimmyD is yakking
about New Year’s so I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume there’s
nothing scandalous, reprehensible or immoral going on in the world of
porn. (Yep, somebody gave me the dreaded Thesaurus DVD box set for
Christmas.)
Luke’s waxing not so poetic about his shattered love affair. Show of
hands, who didn’t know that was going to turn out badly the minute he
guilted his gf into inviting him? Chicks don’t “forget” to invite guys
they‘re honestly interested in to their party. Here’s a few other things
that should be red flags: when a chick tells you she needs to put some
“space between you” that space is generally 500 feet and comes with a
complimentary restraining order for you. When she says, “I need to find
myself,” she usually finds herself with another guy. When she says, “We’re
too different,” that means she’s more compatible with the new guy. When
she says, “I think this is going nowhere,” that means she’s going
somewhere with another guy. “I don’t have time for a relationship” means
“Well, not with you anyway.” “You’re too good for me” means “I’ve found
someone else and I’m just trying to let you down easy so you don‘t go
psycho on my ass and violate that restraining order.“ And one of my
favorites, “I think we should see each other people.” Whoa. Who’s so dense
that they need that one translated?
When South asked me to post he told me I could take Sunday off. I think
that’s pretty doggone sweet of him…especially since he takes off
Saturday *and* Sunday. He also told me to talk about anything
“intellectual’. I’ve never done intellectual before. I wonder why he wants
me to start now? I guess I have to scratch that entire essay on how my
boobs keep falling out of the bottom of my new “Made in China” bra. And
scratch that scathing comment about how half of my left boob probably
equals two boobs on 90% of the chicks in China so it’s only natural for my
bras to be manufactured there. Damn it the Chinese wouldn’t know the right
cup size for a 44D if it slapped ‘em in the face! While I’m at it, I guess
I have to ditch that essay on the joys of buying new “made in China’
underwear when you have a “made in the U.S.A.“ ass. And no, I won’t be
discussing Always’ new advertising slogan, “Have a happy period.” Sigh.
Speaking of my ass, ever since I posted my pic on my site in December,
guys have been emailing me wanting to hook up with me. Sorry, it’s just
not gonna happen. I know I’m alluring, tempting and enticing–damn that
Thesaurus box set is really coming in handy–but alas, I am a one man
woman. Unless you’re a cop, then send me your phone number. We’ll talk.
I’ve been so upset about not being able to stay at South’s place that I’ve
just pretty much been laying on the couch, watching tv and throwing darts
at Mike’s picture. Wow. How is this any different than what I do when I’m
at Mike’s house? Oh yeah, no hard to understand hicks. While doing my
morning wallowing and channel surfing, I saw a commercial for the ADT home
alarm system. The lady says, “Somebody broke into my home. I was really
scared. Fortunately, the alarm scared them away.” This is how that exact
same scenario would play out in my ‘hood: “Somebody broke into my trailer.
I was really scared. Fortunately, the poverty scared them away.”
I watched yet another re-run of the Rose Bowl parade and I found the
things they use to decorate the floats very interesting. One was an adobe
house made completely of oatmeal and cinnamon. I thought, “Damn. All they
have to do is add milk to that house and they can feed the homeless for
days.”
Did you read the story in which a family in Honolulu opened an iPod box on
Christmas and found instead some raw meat? If I was a responsible
journalist, I’d post the link for it right about HERE. (Fell for that,
didn’t ya?) Of course it was purchased at the Evil Empire aka WalMart.
Something like this happened to us on Christmas. One of the offspring
opened their box of Cadbury chocolates and it was empty. It was the most
delicious thing–and by that I mean, of course, deliciously tragic.
Richard sent this email: “You & Mike are up for Couple of the year award
at AVN, along with Spyder & what’s her name, Jenna & Jay, and, of course,
Luke & Holly. Good luck.’
Oh that is just like South. He and I are nommed for an award and he takes
Tim Case to the show as his date. I’m going to pick Luke & Holly as the
winners. *Color me clueless too*.
Later, kids!