Don’t tell I said this, but there really isn’t a whole lot to do in Atlanta.

I spent a part of the
morning calling people in South’s address book to see
if I could get some free tickets to the Braves game. I
explained how I was his girl friend and that he had
told me the person on the other end of the phone was
someone he knew he could rely on in any situation.
Then I hit ‘em up for the tickets. Once I managed to
score the tickets, I remembered how much I hate the
Braves. Ever since they gave it to the Pirates up the
ass three years in a row in the playoffs. Stan
Belinda…mutter mutter. So I hiked it down to the
stadium, sold the tickets and used the money to buy
something I hadn’t bought in a long, long time:
scratch off lottery tickets. I won two more bucks!!
The hoods at the corner still haven’t attempted to
steal my Rio. Just last night I went out and pointed
out the fact that the exhaust system cost me $500 to
have replaced, but they didn’t seem impressed. What
does a girl have to do around here to get her car
stolen?! I’m starting to get pissed. When I was at
McDonald’s yesterday, I noticed someone in the parking
lot was selling a Rio with 15k miles on it for $9,000.
A brand new Kia is worth only $10,000. Put 15k miles
on it, and it’s worth about 4 cents.
The good news is that I finally manage to find some of
South’s credit cards that he had carefully hidden in
his pots and pans. He knew I’d never have reason to be
in that place where people do…food…cooking..things.
One huge order from the House of Cheese and Porn
coming up! I better get ‘em to put a rush on it since
I’m leaving tomorrow. Besides, it’s South’s card,
money is no object. He’s rolling in dough. After all
he’s part of that billion dollar a year bidness.
Now come on, people! I know Dirty Bob couldn’t have
picked a tougher pic, but I haven’t received one
caption. Be a risk taker, damn it, you know you want
to! The first thing I thought when I saw that pic was
“Wow. South has really lost weight.” But try as I
might, I just couldn’t make that into anything
humorous. Yes, even when I tried changing the font to
comic sans ms, it continued to be un-funny.
I was reading the paper this morning and saw that
President Bush was whisked away to an underground
bunker when they thought a plane had flown into
restricted airspace. Ahhhh, it’s so comforting to know
that the President is safe and sound while the rest of
us are out here like sitting ducks. I have often said
that in the event of nuclear attack, I’m going right
outside on the front lawn. I mean what’s my option?
Staying stuck underground for years in a bomb shelter?
Hell, I hardly get out of the trailer now as it is.
Our neighbors built an underground shelter, but we’re
just gonna use the trailer as shelter. I’m fairly
certain that if it could withstand 16 offspring, it
could withstand a nuclear blast. Thank God I saved all
that plastic sheeting and duct tape I took off the
windows last week.
What I am about to reveal will no doubt frighten a LOT
of people, so if you have a weak heart, I suggest you
skip down to a happier paragraph. Right now there are
geeks, for want of a much stronger word, in California
(figures) standing in line for the new Star Wars
movie. The really scary thing is that it doesn’t open
until MAY 19TH!! And I thought I had no life. I’ve
never wanted to see any movie that badly. If I have to
stand in line ten minutes I’m whining about wanting to
go back home and come on a day when it’s less crowded.
And while we’re on the subject of geeky space movies,
some fans of the tv show, Star Trek: Enterprise banded
together to try to raise enough money to keep the show
on the air. They managed to raise $140k, but alas it
wasn’t enough. And to think, I can’t even get you
ungrateful punks to send me enough money to buy a $700
lap top. Sigh.
A few days back, in his blog, Tim Case listed all the
songs on his mp3 player, including one by Moby. I told
him South would ride him like an ass into Bethlehem
when he saw that. In all the years that I’ve known
South—-almost SIX!! I get the award for most
consecutive years that I’ve known someone without ever
having met them-—he has retained only two bits of
information about me. 1. I can be easily suckered into
writing his updates, and 2. I like Moby’s Porcelain.
And of course, he never fails to razz me about that.
Well, I’m sorry but I DO have good taste in music.
Here’s a list of what’s on my mp3 player right now:
Get real, people. I drive a Kia. What are the chances
that I’m going to have enough disposable income to buy
an mp3 player? But all is not lost. Here’s what’s on
Mr. South’s mp3 player: the complete works of Bread,
Celine Dion’s Greatest Hit (an oxymoron if ever there
was one) and the complete works of Barry Manilow. And
yes, I did dance naked to Copacabana. Who wouldn’t?
And screw you if you were one of South’s neighbors who
called to complain. I’m just glad I had the foresight
to tell them Mike would personally kick their asses
when he returned.
They had a survey on CNN asking people what they would
talk to the President about if they had the
opportunity. Predictably, people said things like
unemployment, the economy and gas prices. If I had the
opportunity to shoot the shit with Geo W, I’d ask him
what it was he said to those two bratty daughters of
his to settle them down. The first year he was in
office all you saw was their drunk asses on the covers
of the tabloids. Suddenly, NOTHING. It’s like he
doesn’t even have kids. Well except when he trots them
out at election time.
Ok, I’m gonna go sit at the window and watch the
roofers across the street. It’s like viewing an all
Mexican version of Nightmare on Crack Street….

“Changing the world, one trailer court at a time.”

15050cookie-checkDon’t tell I said this, but there really isn’t a whole lot to do in Atlanta.

Don’t tell I said this, but there really isn’t a whole lot to do in Atlanta.

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