South tricked me into watching that stupid “Deadliest Catch” by telling me the guys looked like cops. I. Don’t. Think. So. Cops are handsome and sexy and most importantly, THEY BATHE REGULARLY!!! They take pride in their appearance, unlike some “fisher people” I know.
Besides, “Deadliest Catch” is full of guy drama, and that‘s even more contrived than chick drama. At least chick drama is funny, and it’s funny because the basis of chick drama is “the whole world revolves around ME.” And it doesn’t even have to be serious issues that set them off. “I can’t wear this shade of pink lipstick! I’ll look like a freak! Every one will stare at me! Besides it makes my face look fat and my whole world will end! I‘d rather kill myself!!” All the women at home are screaming, “Kill yourself! Kill yourself!” But “Deadliest Catch” drama went something like this, “I should fire him.” And we’re at home thinking, “Eh, fire him. Who gives a shit?” Chicks on “reality tv”are not afraid to go ballistic over the smallest of things. You so much as think about looking at them and they’ll scream, throw things and they will kick ass. When the guy on “Deadliest Catch” was pissed, he said, “Where’s my antacids?” Riveting. Although to be fair, I guess it would be difficult to kick ass on a boat. I mean, there’s only one way to go and that’s over the side. Wouldn’t that make for great tv, though?! “Where’s Joe?” “I kicked his ass and left him in the Bering Sea.”
In the episode of Deadliest Catch I watched, the seas were choppy. [Oh, sorry. That could be any one of the episodes.] The guys looked like they hadn’t shaved or bathed or used Mitchum in a month. [Again, sorry. Could be any episode.] And they caught fish and crabs. Weeee! So different from all the other eps. Now let’s compare to COPS, which is so different. On COPS they chase criminals every week and arre—oh wait. Ok, it IS the same every week, but they LOOK GOOD DOING IT and that makes all the difference in the world. That’s more than I can say for those fisher dudes. Quick! Somebody send these guys a hair brush and a mirror! And some pink lipstick…
