Like a majority of the rubes in these modern times, I utilize portable communication devices to watch my entertainment, pay my bills, call my mom, and schedule my fucking. I am a slave on the Apple plantation. When Steve Jobs used to step on stage with his 1989 mock turtleneck, I froze in my tracks to hear the latest and greatest innovation that massa was telling me I had to have. I checked my brain at the door in exchange for “convenience” and “immediacy” and allowed Apple to cuckold my wallet whenever Steve “The Bull” Jobs commanded me.
I don’t remember the last time I got paid to work, but there’s still money in the bank account so I stay on the road traveling and shooting video that someday I hope to compile into some type of product that people will end up stealing. I still purchase porn because I’m a throwback type of guy. I value the business of porn and hope that my continued patronage will keep the industry wheels greased for many years to come. Plus, sometimes when you purchase independent porn produced by the actresses themselves, you and your girlfriend may end up getting drunk with that actress at an Applebees in Reno and end up watching your (ex)girlfriend lick a vagina for the first time in a La Quinta Inn while the hotel manager is banging on the door complaining about the noise.
But Like I was saying, when I travel, I’ve become accustomed to watching porn on a phone or a tablet computer. I don’t even think twice. After all, the websites I buy porn from have formatted their movies SPECIFICALLY for me to watch on these devices. And as a result, I’m laying there in a hotel bed shooting fluid like a windshield wiper while holding a fucking phone. I used to watch my (ex)girlfriend balance the phone on her tits while she jerked off as well. All of this going on while there was a perfectly functioning hotel grade flat screen TV only a few feet away. Ridiculous.
I spent this past Friday and Saturday in Sacramento meeting up with an old friend who wanted to take a shot at editing some of my footage and try to turn it into something. I stayed at an Indian casino because these tribes really know how to take care of whitey these days. Any room at an Indian casino rivals a Four Seasons or the Ritz in 2012. My room had a 62 inch flatscreen TV that had vagina written all over it. I couldn’t resist the idea of watching porn on this thing. I felt like a 12 year old getting ready to look at Bo Derek naked in Playboy for the first time. I picked up the herpetic television remote control and ordered the $1,500.00 24 hour hardcore porn (including cum shots) package.
As the opening moments of Will Ryder’s ‘Rocky XXX’ began to unfold on this massive screen, my cock was harder than the French Dips at the Chatsworth Ramada. Here I was watching porn the original way it was intended to be watched. It was magnificent. My first reaction, after launching Steve Lick Jr. into a towel, was to call all my friends and tell them about this great discovery. I felt like Christopher Columbus. Here I am in 2012 re-discovering how great it is to watch porn on a TV.
I know I’m an asshole. But if you haven’t watched porn on a TV in a while, take a look. It’s worth it. I don’t think I can go back to watching movies on a fucking phone after this weekend. It was a full-on religious experience. Minus the child molestation.
P.S. Do my self-esteem a favor and follow me on Twitter. The only people following me right now are cam models from Chernobyl.
