When Sex Used To Mean Nothing

Outside of professional adult entertainment, there is a new sexual revolution currently taking place in suburbia. I’m not talking about a revolution in terms of sexual awakening where some couple in their 50’s brings a prostate massager or a black guy into their marital bed. I’m talking about a real fucking revolutionary war. The weapons of choice in this war are blackmail, divorce, lies, and revenge.

When the economy shits the bed and you lose everything and you’re forced to flee your home in the middle of the night and move into some Beirut / Reseda apartment complex, sex can take on a new significance within certain types of relationships. A guy who loses his financial stock will more than likely have his fuck stock go out the window as well. He’s the same guy you married, but his inability to keep you stocked in Cookie Crisp looking Coach purses and $150 pedicures suddenly turns him into this revolting financial cuckold who you can’t fuck anymore. Then the divorce happens.

But let’s turn this scenario upside down for a moment. Let’s say that Bob Cumhand is the cement king of Shitsville. A successful business owner who is widely known and recognized around town. Well, Bob decides one Friday night that he wants to enlist the services of a professional in blowing a load. Traditionally, a financial transaction for sex usually comes with an unspoken agreement not to disclose. However, the economy in Shitsville is so bad, the professional determines that there is additional value to Bob beyond blowing his load. She can now take that load and parlay it into even greater financial gain by threatening to expose Bob in public as someone who was low enough to desire her services in the first place.

Gold digging and blackmail have been around for as long as sex has been perceived as having value. But the current economy seems to have brought out the fucking worst in people from practically everyone I talk to. Beyond gold and the dollar, sex has become the new American currency. When sex occurs within a fledgling relationship it is determined by the woman that she gave something to the man. And that sex holds value from this point forward. He now has to walk a tightrope woven of her expectations in order to stave off fear of repercussion in case their relationship doesn’t work out simply because they engaged in consensual intimacy. Forget the days of feminist uprising when women basked in equality. Victimhood is profitable in them thar hills.

In a perfect world, the current sexual stranglehold would be a boon to the adult entertainment industry. Instead, Bob Cumhand is probably loading up a Taiwan tube site on his iPhone and jerking off to a three minute clip of Wifey from 1998.