Another Day in the Life of a Pornographer

An interesting thing about the business of porn is that you’ll get to meet some of the most bizarre, fascinating and twisted individuals in an upside down world which cannot be measured based on the common definitions of loyalty, rationale and sanity. Case in point example is “the suit case pimp”, the street slang for boyfriends/husbands of porn starlets, some of whom accompany their significant others to porn sets and watch them getting fucked by total strangers. Think about it: Under everyday circumstances, if a stranger hits on a woman in a bar, restaurant or shopping mall in the presence of her husband, that could instigate a fight in which someone would end up in the hospital with a broken jaw and someone else could land in jail, while when it comes to porn, a man will escort his wife to a set and shakes hand with the guy who is about to fuck her in front of him and the rolling camera. What do you make of that? If you’re scratching your head trying to figure this out, then I’ll say to you:

“Welcome to the club, it’s porn, dammit, don’t think about it too much.”       

Over the years, I had some incredible experiences in my dealings with different types of suit case pimps. One time, a MILF asked me if I was interested in shooting a DP (double penetration) scene with her and her cop husband. She said: “My hubby is a cop, but loves to perform in porn scenes on the side as long as his face is not being shown.” Trying to sweeten the deal, she added: “He’d work for $200 a pop, and can even wear his uniform in the scene.” Thankfully, there was no gun pointed to my head, and I could respectfully decline her delicate offer.

Another time, I called this agency to book a relatively new comer for an anal scene. At this particular agency, several people work besides the main agent, and you usually deal with one of these people instead of the boss agent. The secretary put me on the phone with this guy, and I told him who I wanted to book. “What’s your budget for this shoot, Mr. Payne?” He asked me. I said $1000. “I’m afraid that’s too low.” He replied. “I won’t be able to book her for less than $1500”. I said: “I’m offering a new comer an industry standard rate. Even girls who have been around for a while and have established themselves as starlets don’t charge $1500, at best, they would demand $1200.” I continued: “Just contact her and ask if she wants to make $1000 a day or would she prefer to stay at home all day long.” He insisted: “I’m sorry, but I cannot do that. However, if you’re looking for a more inexpensive model, I can recommend someone else and you can look up her profile right now if you’re in front of your computer.” The “inexpensive” model that he recommended was too trailer trash looking and had too many tattoos, therefore I declined his generous offer. A few days later, I found out she was the guy’s wife, and he’s been pulling the same trick on other producers too. Several girls lost income because this guy was trying to cut corners and cash in on his wife. When the boss agent found out what he was doing, he fired both of them.

However, my most bizarre encounter with a suit case pimp was when a girl came to my set with her hulking husband. This guy was like a wall of human meat, 6 foot high, weighting at least 250 pounds, he looked like a wrestler. Before the shooting, he pulled me aside and asked me: “My wife is hot, isn’t she?” I could see lust in his eyes. “She’s great looking.” I replied. “He whispered: “I love watching her getting fucked.” I smiled and nodded my head yes, I couldn’t think of anything to say to him. The camera started rolling, and while we were in the middle of shooting the blow job portion of the scene, he pulled his pants down and started jerking off. I told the camera man to stop filming, then talked to the guy and explained that I need to focus and can’t shoot the scene under these circumstances. I asked him to go outside and hang out in the BBQ bar and grill across the street and get something to drink. Although disappointed that he couldn’t watch his wife getting fucked, but he agreed to leave and we resumed shooting. After the scene was finished, I called and told him he could come back. When he arrived, the girl was taking a shower. He walked right to me, stared me in the eye and asked with a menacing voice: “ You fucked my wife? Did you fuck her?” I couldn’t figure out what was going on in guy’s head and what I have gotten myself into with him, but I knew he could knock the living crap out of me and smash and wreck the whole place in an instant. I calmly said: “We shot the scene.” “Was she good?” He asked, this time in a more controlled manner. “Did you like her?” I said: “She’s a great performer.” He reacted as if that was the best compliment I could give him. “Right on man, right on.” He said while padding me on the back. “By the way, I’ve got something for you.” He then took a receipt out of his pocket and handed to me. I asked what is this? He replied: “It’s my tab, you told me to go to the bar and hang out which I did, and you have to reimburse me.” I thought he’s a reasonable man for his size, I just fucked his wife and he didn’t even get the chance to jerk off to that, and now all he wants is to be reimbursed for his bar tab. I paid him, we shook hands, they left, and I realized I just dodged a shotgun bullet.

That’s the nature of the beast called porn. You see, porn is like a box of chocolate, sometimes you get caramel and peanut butter, and sometimes you get a rotten piece of candy that feels like a punch in the gut.