I knew I was going to major in Accounting from my first day of college. It wasn’t really for any particular reason, but more of a process of elimination. I hated biology and I REALLY hated chemistry. The idea of being an engineer never really interested me. I definitely knew I didn’t want to become a lawyer. But, I always loved math. So, becoming an Accountant sounded like a pretty good idea and the salary potential seemed promising.
During my first semester in college, I ended up getting a part-time accounting job at a law firm. I was interviewed and, ultimately, hired by one of the partners at the firm. On my very first day I found out that this was not only a prestigious law firm, but also served as the campaign headquarters for the original founding member of the law firm. He was currently a Republican State Representative who was in the middle of a pretty nasty re-election campaign.
This guy had to be one of the biggest fucking assholes on the planet. Not only was he just a general overall fucking asshole, but his entire political platform revolved around abolishing the IRS and going with a Flat-tax approach to funding. Well, that’s just wonderful. I’m working as an accountant for a guy who ultimately wants to get rid of the entire IRS. The first words out of his mouth upon meeting me were “So, are you a republican or a democrat?” I kind of smiled and quietly said “undecided.” He then shot back “Well, we’re going to have to get that taken care as soon as possible. There will be no democrats working at this firm.” Oh, great. What have I gotten myself into here? At this point I’ve learned that not only does he want to abolish the entire IRS, but now I have to become a republican just to keep the job. What a way to start my first day.
I actually thought about quitting for a whole 5 minutes, but I was way too young, naive and I needed money to pay for my school books. I should admit that I did find the job quite intriguing. From reading certain sexual harassment depositions while making copies to routinely screening phone calls from weirdo guys asking me what color my panties were and then trying to get me to have phone sex with them to constantly fighting with the insanely hot yet cockiest “campaign manager” on the face of the earth who would routinely sit in my office and use my phone all fucking day, it definitely wasn’t a boring job.
I had worked at the firm for a little over a year when I finally got to see what an asshole the founding partner/politician could be and also how he got his “unrelenting pitbull” reputation. One particular day I asked his secretary a question about a case sitting on her desk. I was completely unaware that he was standing behind me. I don’t remember exactly what I asked her, but it was truly innocent. I would have asked the same exact question even if he was standing in front of me. All I remember is that it had something to do with the outcome of a case that was settled out-of-court.
He quietly asked me to follow him to his office where he closed the door and immediately started rapid-fire questioning me about why I would think it’s a good idea to discuss his cases with the secretary. What? I was completely confused and kept trying to explain that I was very sorry and I had absolutely no intention of releasing any confidential information. But, every single time I opened my mouth he would yell just a little bit louder over me and wouldn’t let me answer a question with even a full sentence. This went on for over 20 minutes.
I was all of 18 years old, this was my very first job and I had worked my ass off for this guy. I put everything I had into that job and I did it well. At some point during his lengthy diatribe, I ended up getting so frustrated that I started crying. It’s never a good idea to cry at the office and I knew this. I tried so hard to hold it in, but it was inevitable. The sight of my tears led him to yell even louder which then caused me to cry even harder. At some point, he walked over to hand me his handkerchief and I thought “Is it over yet?” Nope. He just returned to his desk and kept going while watching me sob in front of him. I was actually worried that he would never stop and I would end up drowning in a pool of my own tears.
Finally, once he was finished chewing my ass out and finally opened the door, I walked straight out of his office and then straight out the front door to the elevators while continuing to sob. The worst part was that the office was a penthouse suite which means I had to take the elevator down 15 floors to get out of the building while having to explain to each person who entered the elevator that I was fine. After finally reaching the lobby, I walked out the building and straight to my car. Once I got home and finally stopped crying I had no clue what to do? Do I go back? Am I fired? Do I quit? Am I supposed to call him and ask him? Fuck. Maybe I’m just being overly dramatic about this whole thing? That was definitely a possibility. Finally, I decided I would go back to the office in the morning to at least discuss what happened.
As I walked into the office, he was sitting behind his desk in his huge plush office with expensive artwork hung on every wall. I walked past him and into my office to gather some of my things and check my voicemail. He immediately walked in and asked me to follow him into the meeting room. I quietly sat alone in the conference room at this huge expensive conference table big enough to seat 20-30 people easily while surrounded by rows and rows of ceiling-to-floor law books. It was such an intimidating room and I never really liked being in there. After he closed the door and sat down across from me, he said “You always continue to amaze me. It takes a strong person to come back here after what you went through yesterday. I honestly thought you would never come back, but I’m so pleased you’re here. I’m very proud of you. You know, you really do have a bright future in the business world or maybe even politics.”
Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me? Am I now supposed to thank you for showing me how “strong” I can really be? Go fuck yourself, asshole. Wow, so I really wasn’t over-reacting about the whole thing. But, I still had nothing to say to him. Plus, I was still just a bit confused about the whole ordeal. This was absolutely not what I had expected out of this discussion. So, right there while sitting in the conference room with him I determined that if I had to “earn” his respect by showing up to work the day after he stood right in front of me screaming like a fucking lunatic while watching me sob into my hands and then have the audacity to say how proud he is of me for showing up, then I was done dealing with this asshole and his fucking bullshit.
I got up from the conference table and walked directly to my office to grab a few things and then walked straight out the front door and never looked back. But, this time there were no tears. Actually, I couldn’t stop smiling due to the simple fact that I would never have to go back there. To this very day, it’s the only job I’ve ever quit. Of course, he ended up calling me 3 times that same day. But, I refused to answer his calls. He then continued to call me for about the next 3 weeks, but I still wouldn’t answer his calls which just led to more voicemails saying “I understand if you want to take some time off… just come back to work whenever you feel ready.”
That asshole wasn’t even worthy of a response from me and he never got one.
I haven’t spoken to him one time since I left his office that day. Ultimately, he did end up winning his State Rep. re-election campaign. He then continued through the political system for a few years while holding various positions. He is currently the State Insurance Commissioner. Almost every state insurance commissioner ends up going to jail for pulling some sort of scam so I can’t imagine him being any different… maybe I could go visit him in jail and bring him some brand new handkerchiefs to wipe his ass with after he gets fucked by his prison pimp?
Oh, the very next day I got an offer for a paid internship at a local CPA firm, but that’s a whole different story for another day….