Reinventing the Taint… The New Porn Gold Rush

There is porn dedicated to every kind of fucking body part or kink you can think of. Feet porn, hand job porn, and even cum snorting porn. But as far as I know, I have never seen a porn movie dedicated entirely 100% to a chick’s taint. Well, move over Larry Flynt and John Stagliano because I’m about to save the porno industry… All hail the rise of Taint Porn!

For those of you who don’t know what a taint is, but you’re reading this on a porno blog, there is a Hillary Clinton ballot with your name on it waiting for you. A taint is the two inch parcel of real estate on a woman’s body that is located directly between two slices of heaven. Be warned gentlemen because the devil may make a cameo in the upper slice of heaven once a month. However, if you are into dating older women, you may not see the devil, but you do run the risk of experiencing Albert Einstein eating a London Broil.

Occasionally, some male porn actors will also refer to this same region of real estate on their body as being a “taint”. If this is the type of porno actor who shaves off all of his body hair on a daily basis before a scene or pulls a gun on you in the parking lot of a shoot because he is insecure about a “fucking hollywood producer” being hired to shadow him on his directorial debut, it’s probably just wishful thinking on their part because the term “taint” is only reserved for women.

I have come up with a few taint themed titles for, what is sure to be, the biggest blockbuster gonzo genre to hit the jack shack’s since Ed Powers started cumming in condoms and making balloon animals out of them like a night out at Chevys for the debutantes to take home as a souvenirs.

“Taint Nuthin But A G Thang” will be the new taint line geared toward the African American porn viewing audience that is sure to win the hearts and minds of every AVN reviewer on staff. For the MILF lovers, “Taints For The Memories”, will be the follow up to “G Thang” with a release date to coincide with Mothers Day. I have not yet decided on a name for the Latina taint series, but I plan on getting some local graffiti artists to airbrush two inch miniature murals on their taints like the ones you see in downtown L.A. on the side of freeways.

As you can tell, I’m probably going to be too busy counting my taint porn money to keep posting on MikeSouth.com. However, I’m not a greedy sonofabitch. Feel free to take this taint porn idea yourself and run with it and set yourself up with a nice retirement nest egg. All I ask is that you drop me a line and invite me to your shoots so I can make sure to demonstrate on your actresses the latest in clinical taint rejuvenation exercises that actually involve the use of shooting male ejaculatory fluid on the taint region twice an hour or until I get hungry and need to leave the set for a sandwich.