Apple – Keeping the Adult Film Industry on the Plantation

Even though the music industry is currently in the shitter, it could have been a lot worse if it wasn’t for Apple and iTunes. The same could be said about the state of independent films. I’ve talked to a few independent filmmakers now who have praised the iTunes platform for giving their films a second shot at finding an audience. I can also tell you based on my own experience writing and producing in mainstream that once your projects get greenlighted for distribution through iTunes, you gain an immediate credibility and access to a loyal entertainment hungry audience. Then there’s the adult film industry…………….(insert cricket sounds).

I once asked an Apple exec if he thought iTunes would ever distribute adult films. He gave me a condescending look like someone would give if they caught you going through their wifes hamper and sniffing her panties at a housewarming party back in May of 2005. Of course, I only know about that kind of look from secondhand… I’m just sayin.

I think anyone who knows anything about making money would agree that it would be a huge shot in the arm for the adult film industry to form a distribution partnership with Apple iTunes and gain access to their users. Let me make the case how and why this will be a reality someday.

1. The corporate hotel and cable industries have broken down all the taboo barriers when it comes to getting in bed and making money with adult entertainment. I can check into practically any mainstream hotel chain across the country and pay $19.95 to watch the entire T.T. Boy family tree fuck for 24 hours straight. The same goes with your home set-top cable box.

2. As big as Apple iTunes is right now, there will eventually be a brand new sexy girl on the block with even bigger tits who will threaten to take away an increasing percentage of iTunes market share. I’m sure this upstart will distribute adult content as well. A perfect example is Blockbuster and cable company On Demand. Back in the 1990’s, I would happily drive an extra 5 minutes to go to the mom and pop dvd rental store rather than Blockbuster because Blockbuster didn’t have a beaded doorway leading to an adult section, or what I would affectionately refer to as “The Altar of Ed Powers”. Meanwhile, On Demand came along and kicked Blockbuster in the ass. There is no longer a Home Depot sized Blockbuster store in the mini mall down the street from my home, but the mom and pop dvd store 5 minutes away is still doing a brisk business with computer illiterate old perverts who don’t want titles like “Cuckold Cum Eaters 6” showing up on their cable bill.

As I look into my crystal balls, I predict the first adult genre content available on iTunes will be Maxim Magazine style branded video vignettes featuring bikini models and other similar types of tame titillation. From there, the first real adult company to sign with iTunes will be Playboy. An epidemic of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome will sweep America’s heartland as Joe and Jane Suburbia download their first set of moving tits onto their iPod’s with “The Girls of Jiffy Lube” and all that other horseshit Playboy puts out.

The next aspect of the business model gets a little sketchy. How would you get your own adult studio content onto iTunes? If anything, Playboy would probably have to be your gatekeeper content partner because any hardcore studio branding on iTunes other than Playboy would get the “protect the children letter head mafia” all up in arms resulting in bad PR for Apple. I don’t even see Vivid getting the keys to the car for that very reason.

As the old saying goes, opinions are like stories about Kurt Lockwood. Everybody has them… All I set out to do this morning was write a post that didn’t contain a racial slur.