To: Angel
From: My Friend Allen (he isn’t much into commenting, more of a letter writer)

“social politics: how we are treated is in direct relation to how we behave. We have the power to respond regardless of how we are
treated. It’s a very powerful idea if you can internalize it. Many times the correct answer is: “Power is not having to respond” other times (Chess tactics) you counter an attack with a more powerful attack. Sometimes you wait and plan the best move… whatever you do – you are in control of how you’re treated by setting a standard of respect created by your response… you have much more power than you know. Make the person who messed with you regret ever doing it again… this is what I tell my daughters. : )”

You on the other hand are a much better wordsmith.

Kayden had the technical ability but lacked the soul.

As a friend I would encourage you to find what helps you to cope that isn’t destructive. It can be done, I know you read “On Writing” … King did it.

If it’s riding a bike, go to a flea market or yard sale and buy a cheap bike…I did, got a good mtn bike for 35 bucks, rode the hell out of it too but now I like the scoot better. Bike riding is fine for me on flat surfaces, like in Florida, but here its hilly and with very limited ankle movement its more effort than enjoyment so now I ride the scoot instead.

It’s there, it’s probably been there all along, you just have to either discover it or rediscover it.

I dont know about anyone else but for me IT is always going to involve being outdoors.

For me sunshine by itself is a coping mechanism, so is a large body of salt water.

I don’t know about being a better writer than you, but I appreciate the “rock star” sentiment. It also put a funny picture in my head – down on bended knee saluting my pen and notepad irreverently in the air. “WRITE ON!!!” lol

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all being preachy, just relating what worked for me.

When I was a kid and I needed to get away my coping mechanism was to collect my fish rod and hike, or ride my bike, sometimes a very long way and spend some time in solitude fishing and letting it all wash over me. When i discovered alcohol, weed, coke and so on my coping mechanism changed.

Then one day, at the age of 26, I didn’t like who I saw in the mirror and over night I went cold turkey on all of it, even smoking. To keep from going crazy I found myself back involved in fishing, I taught myself to fly fish, I tied my own flies and whenever I hurt, which was frequent at first I used fishing as my diversion. Eventually the pains of addiction resided, I don’t call myself an addict, I never did any 12 step program and I can drink a beer with my sashimi and not even desire a second one.

When I started this blog, I discovered that for me, writing was every bit as theraputic as fishing, and in some areas, more so. it gave me an audience to vent my rage on and I was surprised to see how many people it reached out to.

It also gave me massive amounts of freedom, because it freed me of things that bothered me. When you have something that you feel compelled to keep hidden and you decide to broadcast it to tens of thousands of people, believe me your problem becomes very insignificant.

Of course I saw Born into this, Tim Case turned me on to it but I’d have found iot on my own anyway, being a Bukowski fan.

And friends is what we are, I try not to overstep my boundaries and if I do I trust you will tell me. I figure the best route is to simply relate my own life, it’s what we writers do, but you are far better at it than I am. if I were an editor I’d snap you up and make a rock star outta you.

I really like this line form your blog. I feel like this a lot.

I, myself, am a highly sensitive, introvert. (not to be confused with shyness..you can have shy extroverts).I work in a job just so I can pay my bills. I have to pretend every day to like assholes that are cruel to me. And I take verbal abuse every day.
When I come home that is when I am myself…it’s like I have an explosion of creativity. I start to think and tend to lose myself in day dreams.
I like peace, and despise crowds…which is why you will never see me at a Metallica concert for example. If you do, I will be the one standing at the drinks tent at the very back. I get a kind of security from being on my own with my own thoughts. Of course, extroverts get their mental energies from others. Introverts like me will have to have time alone after liasons with large crowds of people, to kind of recharge their batteries if you like.They are happiest in small gatherings with maybe two or three people. I could never say, go on that US show The Surreal Life. I could not be around people for weeks on end.

As an Aquarian, you are very unique ,independent, and individual. You need a strong sense of identity. Aquarians biggest enemy is boredom. And when they are disillusioned, they never forgive.

They need to feel mentally and intellectually stretched and challenged. They like to know how others tick and are always thinking.They like to inform and educate others. I reckon you would be good at something like teaching English as a foreign language to overseas students. (French ones?) 😛

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are human. Give yourself a break every once and a while. Life is not worth it. This is only a test.

As far as alcohol goes…Some people drink to forget.
Personally speaking, when I drink, I remember. So that is why I tend to avoid alcohol. A smal drink every now and then will be ok for you as long as you know your limits.

You are a beautiful person with a good heart.
Never forget that.
🙂
Angle. (I mean Angel) :))

Thank you for your concern and also the reference to Joan Didion.