You’re right about one thing: stress is not supposed to be a lifelong malady. Hence, the horse – and the same line of thinking’s latest concoction: The SelectComfort Bed. No doubt about it: stress is supposed to be a reaction to trauma, and not a diffused chronic condition. So the Spanish, like all Europeans, decided to jump on the horse, escape the sabre tooth tiger, and after the action died down, redefined stress as wifey’s aversion to spooning because the bed hurt her spine.

Rationalization, or progress? Well, that’s where you come in. The best of both worlds – to muddy the waters and feed off the margins.

The horse-owning Indian. The primitivist-porn star. The best of both worlds, with naturally-dyed native black hair, biting the hand that feeds through her words and her deeds; and calling it insight. A whole new realm for her saps to stress about; filtered through their delusion of her . Just like the Natives, and good for the soul. Fed in small, healthy spurts – cut short with reproaches to relax and reminders to check out a website. Just like the cavemen.

Perhaps if you spent less time stylizing the paleo lifestyle into your own form of erotic entrapment and income seduction, you would investigate the post-Columbian internet and see that the dillemma you’ve confronted has, by better, more active minds minds than yours, already been philosophically deducted.

But that would require the taking of sides, the preclusion of romanticized half-notions starved, and a level of seriousness about ideas which, frankly, just doesn’t seem practical in this day and age. Not when there’s money to be made, by being despised.