Porn Star Twitter Review: Jenna Haze

Considering that I have the willpower of a black guy at a BBW convention, it didn’t take me long to jump on the Twitter bandwagon after previously proclaiming that I would never ever sign up for an account. I used to go on and on about how you would never see real men like Johnny Cash or Clint Eastwood sitting behind a laptop and typing a “tweet” about feeling bloated or not being able to find their car keys. However, in the end, I bent over and pink socked that social networking cock like the attention seeking fatherless fat girl I truly am deep inside.

I have enjoyed the occasional opportunity to genitally mingle with porn stars throughout my time working in both mainstream and adult industries. And like any typical red blooded male, I would never pass up an opportunity to catch a daily Twitter photo glimpse of my favorite actress and Bay Area native Bobbi Starr or have updates sent to my phone so I could know when the raucous Joanna Angel is making a live appearance in my town. That is Twitter running on all cylinders, folks. That was the reason why I finally decided to get a account. Along with my desire to stalk ex-girlfriends.

I have never met Jenna Haze. She is a huge star in this industry and a very, very talented performer. However, when it comes to Twitter, her written word is the equivalent of cock kryptonite. As a man with a testosterone level somewhere between an African Rhinoceros and a mormon commune polygamist, I originally followed Jenna Haze on Twitter with a sexual fury in the hopes of seeing an occasional profile shot of an asshole or at the very least something to encourage me to purchase her latest release. Instead I get this: October 22nd – “unfortunately I don’t eat at strip clubs” and on “October 25th – “Lunch time! Ham and swiss on squaw bread…” But if you thought the fourth week of October was just a fluke, here’s something from all the way back on October 13th – “Going to whole foods.. I’d like to cook up some fish for dinner…”

Well, fish is one step closer to where I was hoping she would eventually take the conversation. I am all for porn stars eating and being healthy. I just don’t know if I want to get green grocer tips from the same woman who I just watched blowbang a housing project. The moral of the story is this. I am an asshole. If Jenna Haze walked in this room right now I would tell her she was the greatest twitterer ever. She’s truly the best at what she does in this industry and I am just a guy with an abnormally large penis suffering from writers block. The second woman to follow me on Twitter wins a months worth of “I hope you had a good day” tweets. Thanks for your time.

43000cookie-checkPorn Star Twitter Review: Jenna Haze

Porn Star Twitter Review: Jenna Haze

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4 Responses

  1. Jesse Jane’s Twits are like that. I like that means its her not some pr person from the vid company. From baking cookies with granny or going to her sons games. Also if the girl says Im getting on a plane and you say have safe flight. She actually takes the time to say thanks. She strikes me as a nice person.

  2. This post was a bit harsh…I like following people on twitter – specifically porn star’s twitter accounts, because it’s one of the few social networks that actually brings a shred of humanism to someone who typically is viewed as an extreme caricature.

    I don’t think following a porn or mainstream celeb’s twitter is the thing to do if you’re someone who wants to maintain your fantasy of who a person is. It’s more of a thing for us realists to do.

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