Maschinenunfaelle: Firefighters in Germany are now being specially trained to rescue men from ‘sex toy emergencies’ following a recent spate of kinky mishaps.
Emergency crews are being drilled in cutting off penis rings or extracting items that have got stuck in hard to reach places.
The course was launched recently after a spike in calls from men whose raunchy antics had left them in serious trouble.
Incidents include a man with crochet needles stuck in his urethra and another who got his schlong stuck in a bottle. In another eye-watering emergency call, crews had to attend a man with a whole apple stuck up his ass.
And in yet another incident, a weightlifter in Worms in Rhineland-Palatinate state needed fire crews to help him get his member unwedged from the hole in the middle of a 2.26kg iron weight.
It took more than three hours to cut him free, and the weight had to be shattered with an industrial powered grinder, then cut to pieces with a vibrating saw.
The training seminar is called Maschinenunfaelle in German, which translates to “mechanical failures”.
It teaches participants how to remove sex toys without hurting the trapped person.
More than 600 firefighters were given a lesson in how to remove penis rings in Dresden this week as part of the special training.
The 15-minute rescue technique involves inserting a spatula between the victim’s penis and the ring before it is cut off with a grinder.
I never felt more satisfied or optimistic than when I rode the river in my youth.