Some observations from the “Sunshine State” …part DEUX…Miami Exxxotica

It is late May and I have been a “Floridian” now…officially…for six months.  For those of you that didn’t read the first entry of my extemporaneous observations on Florida-living, go back and read “Some observations from the ‘Sunshine State’ ” from awhile back.  I just got home from Exxxotica Miami, it was my second year there and it was a blast.  The show opened on Friday May 14th…and just like last year..as I walked from the parking lot to the front of the Miami Convention Center (incidentally…for you fans of pugilistic endeavors [ bet you didn’t know a porn chick knew words like “pugilistic”] the convention center was where the great Muhammad Ali defeated Sonny Liston in 1964 for the “Heavyweight Championship of the World…WORld..WOrld..worl….”), I was met by Ron Jeremy, and he remembered me from last year.   After the obligatory hellos, and questions about “where is South?” and “why isn’t he here?”, Ron proceeded to rather unceremoniously pull out my nipple and suck like he hadn’t been fed in a year.  After that I made my way to the Clips4Sale booth to be with all the great crew.  Abe was…well he’s Abe.  I cannot say enough good about him, or his son Neil and Neil’s wife Coral.  The whole crew at Clips4Sale.com is AWESOME…Joe and Dariusz are hilarious, and I am so thankful to Mike for introducing us last year.

The show was fantastic…despite the economy and the rumblings about the decimation of the porn biz by the internet…there seemed to be quite a large-sized crop of horny perverts flowing through the convention center all weekend.  Whereas last year, the  promoter chose Mother’s Day weekend for the show, this year they scheduled it a week deeper in the calender, a much smarter choice in my humble opinion.  The fans where…to put it simply….AWESOME!  There were so kind and there were so many people that remembered me from last year and came over to tell me how happy they were to see me returning.  On Saturday afternoon a very nice gentleman came running up to the booth and exclaimed..in a rather supersonic slew of run-on sentences…”OMG…I can’t believe it’s really you….I LOVE you…and I am a HUGE fan of Mike South.com and I love reading your articles…they really make me think…”  That was the nicest compliment anyone has paid me to date.  I heard all weekend from photographers how pretty I was, how I didn’t take an ugly picture, how great my attitude was…but that one really hit home.  THANK YOU…sincerely, and sir, wherever you are, whomever you are, I appreciate that.  It made me smile for the rest of the day.

So the rest of the convention was the usual fare, lots of vendors peddling everything from “cocksicles” to vibrators, stripper clothes (I bought some stuff, and some shoes…you know I just couldn’t resist Mike…you know me and my shoes) to vaporizers to smoke your chronic, and EVERYTHING in between.  The “stars” in the Fantasy Island included some names like Jenna Haze, Bree Olson, Teagan Pressley, Jesse Jane, and many others.  We went to dinner Friday night after the show opened at the world-famous Wolfie’s 24 hour deli on Collins Ave in South Beach.  First of all, the place was spectacular, the food was doled out in incredibly generous portions, and the menu, well, as I joked with Abe…”this menu is bigger than the Talmud”.  As we pulled up to the valet stand we got out of the car and were immediately met with quite a few stares and a few glares, from the other patrons sitting in booths with floor-to-ceiling windows that looked oout on Collins Avenue.  And then, to my shock, I looked to my right and saw at another booth the legend Nina Hartley, rather quietly and in a very lady-like manner, eating her deli-fare.  I also passed on the sidewalk, a rather perturbed-looking Jesse Jane, as we were going to have sushi on Saturday night.  I guess she must have been just informed by here handlers that she was hosting an “after-party” with Ron Jeremy at a local strip club.  She did not look too happy.  Nevertheless, I was approached about fifty times at the show and on the street by people thinking I was Lindsay Lohan promoting the Linda Lovelace movie….lol.  THAT was definitely fun…and brother believe me I made the most of it.  I responded, rather non-chalantly, to all that asked..”yes, I’m Lindsey Lovehands” and they would look at me rather quizzically, as if they were not sure if I REALLY was her and just had some sort of speech impediment, or was someone else who LOOKED like her…anyway…it was great fun.  I cannot tell you how many pictures I posed for, literally thousands, but I always had a smile, which is more than I can say for the so-called “stars”…who seemed more concerned with selling Polaroids for $10…..POLAROIDS!  Can you believe that?  I didn’t even know they made Polaroid film anymore…lol…did you?  One thing I know for sure….I missed Mike South.  And many thanks to our mutual friend Joey Hogger who was a wonderful host, I know your dog-sitting duties interfered with our spending time together, but next visit for sure…O.K?  And btw, Paula from Rio is SO HOT….hope to see her again soon too…give her a big Portuguese “BUNDHA” from me!

I am looking forward to appearing in August at Fetishcon in Tampa, and again I will be appearing at the Clips4Sale.com booth.  So I hope all you freaks and horny perverts, fans of leather-clad girls with DSL’s and HUGE boobs, sexy feet-having, mash-potato stomping, masochistic, sadist, ass-spanking hotties, ALL come out to say hello.  I so LOVE meeting you all, and I won’t be mean or bite…I promise.  Stay tuned for more details.

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