Kristina Rose Explains Why She Doesn’t Date Porn Guys

This is hilarious.

from Kristina Rose Blog

Top Ten Reasons I Don’t Date Male Performers

SUS basically indicates that someone is “suspect” or false for those who cant find urbandictionary.com
10.) I refuse to fuck a man that willingly owns and wears Affliction/ Ed Hardy shit. <—SUS.
-All male performers have thee worst fashion EVER!!
‘….Hold on… Lemme throw on my Affliction shirt real quick… I just put my True Religion jeans on… Over my Calvin Klein panties I got at Ross… Where are my mom’s Nike running shoes??….”<

lolz. I just can’t date a guy if his fashion is fucked up. Not like that. I’d rather date a guy that looks homeless and can make dime store fashions work than a guy that dresses like a complete asshole.

9.) I refuse to date a man that chooses to spend a majority of his “off time” surrounded by and touching other sweaty men at the gym. It’s a extra NoGo if u roll around on a mat barefoot with another man for fun. (Crossfit / Ju Jitsu / MMA) <——SUS.

-Why is it that almost all male performers like to surround themselves with sweaty men at the gym on their off time. Like that’s all they do. Often opting to roll around barefoot with them on a mat covered in other men’s sweat. That’s sus. This is also the reason why I am not really a fan of MMA. Straight men should never be touching each other all over their bodies when they are barefoot. Not unless they’re fucking. Mainstream boxing is a corrupt sport now but at least they are really fighting. I feel like MMA is aggressive groping for men that keep their gay side repressed. It’s 2012. You can’t get married everywhere but it’s cool to be gay now. You can come out of hiding.

8.) I don’t date/fuck insecure men. <—SUS
-You would think most men in porn would have the best self-confidence, riiight?? Being that they have big dicks and fuck beautiful women all the time AND get PAID for it!! BUT, NO. Most if not ALL of the men in porn are super insecure. Looking for ego validation to fill the void their family created years ago. That’s not a struggle I’m trying to be a part of.

7.) I don’t date women haters. <—SUS
-Most men in porn are secret woman haters. I think that this is how they probably were before they got into porn then over the years they’ve just grown to hate women more and more, because…A) We make more money than they do (in porn)
&
B.) We get more dick than they do (in porn and out of porn)

6.) Most if not all porno guys are horrible at eating pussy. I can’t have that.
-There are a few exceptions but, not really. Most of them think they are good and brag about being good but really they aren’t. They’re just trying to close their eyes and quickly make their way down to eating our buttholes. Praying on the way down that the girl they’re working with is lazy and got stubble on her butt so at least they can pretend we’re a boys. <—SUS

5.) I refuse to date a man that drinks Muscle Milk. <—Sus.

4.) I don’t date guys that need to take viagra or poke their dicks with needles to get a boner. <—SUPER SUS.

-The men I date get boners because I’m hot and a woman and they’re heterosexual. Men generally don’t have to take drugs to get a boner. And we can’t say that men need to be attracted to a woman to get a boner. Yes, some do but those men aren’t in porn. And pretty much every guy I know outside of porn that I’m friends with have at some point fucked or got brain from an ugly girl and they were still able to get wood. So, really there’s no excuse. Most men in porn are all operating on Viagra and/ Caverject but like to walk around at conventions and shit like they’re better than civilian men. This is not the case. Take their medicine away and I bet money almost all of these porno guys wouldn’t be able to pull it off. Civilian Dick > Porno Dick.

3.) I don’t date men that take mirror pictures of themselves. <—SUS.

-If you’re a man and your entire instagam is pictures of u in the mirror or self-shots I can NOT ever, EVER date you. This is something I have only seen male performers and my gays do. Gay men with the self-shots.. Do your thang, boo boo. I know you’re advertising. Gays get a pass. Supposedly “straight” men doing self-shots is a major NOGO. Especially since 9 times out of ten these self-shots are taken on set where there is plenty of naked women everywhere. If you’d rather take a picture of yourself lifting your shirt like some broke down valley version of the Situation, OVER  taking a picture of your face buried into the ass of a women you’re about to fuck.. well,  u lack creativity and I want you to know we are ALL questioning your sexuality with every flick you post.

2.) I don’t date guys that wear Acqua Di Gio. <—Sus.

1.) I don’t date guys that are sus.

10 Replies to “Kristina Rose Explains Why She Doesn’t Date Porn Guys”

  1. this_is_me

    First time poster here!!

    The post is very funny, but as a civilian guy I take offense to the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu part. I don’t care so much for MMA(personally) but seriously BJJ is a cool ass martial art. Its a self-defense system for fighting if you’re ever in a street fight that goes to the ground, which often happens. Its not gay at all.

    I don’t hate boxing or anything but seriously a larger/taller man will usually have the advantage against a smaller/shorter man in boxing. I don’t think its wise to try and box or kick against a much bigger guy. To me boxing is so limited in its usefulness.

    But I do think ‘crossfit’ is tacky as shit. Its basically overgrown jocks trying to keep a nice body like its some great accomplishment. Unless your a professional athlete that makes income from your body there is no point to working that hard to have a “nice” body. I think the guys that do crossfit are wayyyy into themselves much like the porno guys Kristina Rose describe.

    Plus BJJ actually gave me more stamina during sex believe it or not.

  2. ryceric

    Guess I am lazy then on the MMA thing. I figure why bother with MMA when I can legally carry a gun instead. It’s faster and usually ends fights pretty quickly…or even better, preventing them in the first place.

  3. RiccoMarin

    She right! The industry is full of male talent that have to put needles in the cocks just to fuck these beautiful girls and another half has to use Viagra just to get a fucking hardon!. The good ole’ crossover scene in LA.

  4. mharris127

    Ricco, the needle in the cock thing could be a problem if not done properly as it leaves an entry point for VD. To minimize that problem a person is supposed to wait for 30-45 minutes after shooting up his dick before fucking (Caverject lasts for about two hours). Fortunately from sources within the industry that option is used by a small minority of male performers. As for Viagra et. al., I don’t give a fuck as long as he can get it up and perform (I take Viagra myself due to legitimate erectile dysfunction but am not male talent in porn).

    BTW I noticed your full screen name. Are you from Marin County in CA by any chance?

  5. RiccoMarin

    No mHarris127..Not from Marin County! Thats too expensive. I live in Phoneix. Try Viagrax plus. That’s a really good daily supplement and Horny Goat weed. Viagra is very dangerous and can give you heart problems and other internal problems in the future. Good Luck!

  6. rawalex

    Funny as hell, and I love how she manages to pretty much call every male performer out as “straight for pay”… straight porn lost it’s edge when it’s all gay men fucking women and hating that they have to do it to get paid…

  7. LurkingReader

    Lol not in porn been off the market for decades…didn’t know what Ed Hardy was when kid’s date stunk up entire house standing in foyer waiting three minutes for her. Turned to hubby …lets hope that doesn’t last longer than the crap he took a bath in..even worse than Ed Hardy is bootleg Ed Hardy shit 😉 😉

    Thanks to author for chuckle it was refreshing.

    • CrunkleSchwitz

      I wonder how BIG is her anus these days? I heard she has been hanging out in Van Nuys and smoking a lot of good high price weed and other “chit”. I hope she isn’t getting smelly. LOL..She is doing gay guys again and Mark wants her to get fucked more for work.

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