1 girl, 3 guys and a porn shop

We were bored and decided to go bowling. Bowling is pretty damn fun. I even have my own ball with my name engraved on it. At some point, I went out and spent $40 on a pair of bowling shoes since I absolutely refused to wear those gross, disgusting and fugly clown bowling shoes. If I had a choice I would much rather just slide around in my socks, but there are very strict rules at the bowling alley. I’m sure I’ve broken all of them at some point.

After 3 games of bowling, we all climb into the car and somehow decide we should go to the adult store which is about 5 minutes away. I still, to this day, have no idea how this plan evolved? I guess we all decided we needed to update our porn collections? Or, we were just really that fucking bored?

So, we drive the 5 minutes and park. Of course, when we get to the door it’s locked so we have ring the doorbell for some guy to let us in. This shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but I was slightly embarrased. Mainly because I was the only girl with 3 guys walking into a porn shop. It was one of those “what doesn’t belong here?” kind of moments.

As we walk in, my husband and I take a sharp left. Our friend, Adam, takes a hard right and our other friend, Nick, keeps going straight. We didn’t look, talk or acknowledge each other until we were checking out. As we’re all walking up to the cashier, I’m analyzing our different porno choices. They were so different from each other I couldn’t help but laugh.

Of course, I’ve got mostly “normal” sounding feature pornos such as “Whorehouse… Something?” and “Fuck me at the office” or some shit? We had picked out about 5 pornos. Nick had 2 pornos and both had some sort of space theme to them… I think “Slut fucking aliens” was one of them or close to it. Fucking nerd. And then I look directly at Adam who is standing next to me with 1 single porno in his hand. I almost felt bad. I think I actually offered to buy him another one if he was short on cash. I’m such a nice friend.

As I am discussing this with him, he is shifting between feet and telling me “I’m good. Don’t worry about it.” Right after he says this I look down and see the words “16 hours.” I honestly didn’t know they even had 16 hour pornos. I was so confused and shocked I actually started yelling at him “Who jacks off for 16 fucking hours? Are you fucking crazy? That’s like jerking off for an entire day!! How has your dick not fallen off yet? Fucking pervert.” As everyone in the entire store was laughing at me I paid for my various collection of “normal” 1-2 hour pornos, put my head down and walked out the door. As I walked back to the car I started thinking about the fact that he was the smart one here… I just spent like $80 on 5 pornos for an estimated time of, say, 10 hours. He just paid $19.99 for 16 hours of porno.

As we all get back into the car, he turns around and says “Just admit it. I’m smarter than you.” After staring at him for a minute, I said “Fine. You’re smarter than me. But, you’re still a fucking pervert and you can’t borrow any of my high quality porn!!!” To which he quickly replies “That’s ok. I don’t need to…” Smartass.

22 Replies to “1 girl, 3 guys and a porn shop”

  1. sachertorte

    @Lacey: ridiculously long, bargain-priced porn compilations have been around for a long time. The sixteen-hour ones are generally pretty low-quality crap from second and third-rate studios designed for those with low standards who just want a lot of bang(ing) for the buck. Vivid and Wicked do a lot of comps as well, but mostly not more than six hours and obviously higher-quality. Working in adult retail taught me that a lot of straight men could not possibly care less about quality- quantity and a low price always sold really well.

  2. Hunter

    Lacey,

    When we do our space bukkake, can we make all the guys wear those clown bowling shoes? I think that would sell so big, it would dethrone South as “King Bukkake” … He’ll regret not going with us then.

  3. Lacey Blake

    As Mike stated, your wife would probably pay good money to watch you get slapped in the face with your own dick… and probably every other wife out there, as well! 😉

  4. Hunter

    Interesting, to say the least. However, I’ve rethought my position on the clown-ass bowling shoes, It’s not that I’m in any way turned off by the idea of Lacey pimp-slapping me with my own (and ONLY my own) dick. And it’s certainly not that my wife would disapprove. But I’ve taken some measurements, done the math, and decided against the bowling shoes. *grin*

  5. MikeSouth

    It does require effort
    I am seriously wanting to take a trip to Nola now just to party in the quarter with Lacey and her pals and :disgusting” brother…

    And Lacey doesnt know it but there is something in her past that has me in absolute AWE

  6. MikeSouth

    @Lacey Ive shared an elevator with Robert Duvall even exchanged pleasantries with him, Im good friends with Neal Boortz, I have banged some of the hottest girls on the planet…met lots of actors and whatnot…even some greats…never been star struck…But I am almost star struck by the simple exchange I had with Lacey in an email where she told me she personally knew Elmore Leonard…

  7. Lacey Blake

    @Mike –
    Well, at least I know I didn’t do anything wrong… haha.

    Yeah, I don’t get star struck either. The closest I ever came to being star struck was John Malkovich. 🙂

  8. sachertorte

    I’ve always been starstruck only by non-mainstream musicians that most people haven’t even heard of.

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